July 16, 2011

Telemarketers

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.

ME: Hello.


AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.


ME: Is this AT&T?


AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ..


ME: This is AT&T?


AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ..


ME: Is this AT&T?


AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Byron, please?


ME: May I ask who is calling?


AT&T: This is AT&T.


ME: OK, hold on. (At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.)


ME: Hello?


AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?


ME: May I ask who is calling, please?


AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T .


ME: This is AT&T?


AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T .


ME: The phone company?


AT&T: Yes, sir.


ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.


AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.


ME: I already have a phone.


AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.


ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?


AT&T (getting a little excited at this point by my interest): Yes, sir, that's right! Twenty-four hours a day!


ME: 7 days a week?


AT&T: That's right.


ME: 365 days a year?


AT&T: Yes, sir.


ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!


AT&T: We think so!


ME: That's quite a sum of money!


AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.


ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?


AT&T: Excuse me?


ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.


AT&T: What are you talking about?


ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.


AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.


ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.


AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for .


ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor, please?


AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.


ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!


AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold. (At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.)


SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?


ME: Yes?


SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.


ME: Is This A T &T?


SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.


ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.


SUPERVISOR: OK, no problem. I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.


ME: Thank you. (I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.)


AT&T: Hello, Mr.. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?


ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...


AT &T: click....


0 comments:

Post a Comment