July 18, 2011

Mother in Law

Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out a little too far. 
He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and holds him back.
The first lifeguard says, "Why are you holding me back?
We have to go save that woman."
"Don't worry", the other replies. That woman is my mother in law."
"Are you trying to kill her?"
"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent.
Just watch."
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman, and ride her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked the first lifeguard.
"Every species have strategies to eliminate risks of food poisoning."

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water.
Unable to swim, the man screamed for help.
A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim.
Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water.
In ten powerful strokes he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
"Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"
The man said,
"Oh, I thought it was my wife but this is my mother in law." 
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said,
"Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

My mother-in-law said to me, "If you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee".
I replied, "If I were your husband, I'd drink it!"

There was a guy who was told by his doctor that he has only 6 months to live.
He decides to move in with his mother in law,
because living with her for 6 months will seem like forever.

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