July 6, 2011

Legal Laughs

The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide..

1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child? <


2. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?


3. Q: What happened then?

    A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
    Q: Did he kill you?

4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?


5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?


6. Were you alone or by yourself?


7. How long have you been a French Canadian?


8. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?


9.  Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

     A: That's me.
     Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?


11. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

      A: By death.
      Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

      A: I'll be three months on November 8.
      Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
      A: Yes.
      Q: What were you doing at that time?

13. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

      A: I used to be.
      Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14. So you were gone until you returned?


15. Q: She had three children, right?

      A: Yes.
      Q: How many were boys?
      A: None.
      Q: Were there girls?

16. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?


17. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

      A: Yes.
      Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

      A: Not yet.

19. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."


20. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?

      A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
      Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
      A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

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