October 8, 2011

Funny Dirty Jokes

Funny Dirty Joke 1
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

Funny Dirty Joke 2
What is a lesbian’s favorite thing to eat?
A Klondike Bar

Funny Dirty Joke 3
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

Funny Dirty Joke 4
What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.

Funny Dirty Joke 5
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.

Funny Dirty Joke 6
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.

Funny Dirty Joke 7
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.

Funny Dirty Joke 8
What is the definition of “making love”?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Funny Dirty Joke 9
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.

Funny Dirty Joke 10
What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

Funny Dirty Joke 11
What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
About three inches.

Funny Dirty Joke 12
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Funny Dirty Joke 13
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

Funny Dirty Joke 14
What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?

Funny Dirty Joke 15
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Funny Dirty Joke 16
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Funny Dirty Joke 17
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Funny Dirty Joke 18
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.

Funny Dirty Joke 19
What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.

Funny Dirty Joke 20
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.

Funny Dirty Joke 21
What is the first sign of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the ass.

Funny Dirty Joke 22
What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.

Funny Dirty Joke 23
What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

Funny Dirty Joke 24
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
Strip Poker

Funny Dirty Joke 25
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Funny Dirty Joke 26
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.

Funny Dirty Joke 27
What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
Nice dick!

Funny Dirty Joke 28
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Funny Dirty Joke 29
What’s a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dick heads.

Funny Dirty Joke 30
What’s another name for pickled bread?

Funny Dirty Joke 31
What’s better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.

Funny Dirty Joke 32
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s First Movement.

Funny Dirty Joke 33
What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.

Funny Dirty Joke 34
What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s Finger

Funny Dirty Joke 35
What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captains log.

Funny Dirty Joke 36
What’s red and blue with a long string?
A smurfette with her period.

Funny Dirty Joke 37
What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?

Funny Dirty Joke 38
What’s the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.

Funny Dirty Joke 39
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!

Funny Dirty Joke 40
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!

Funny Dirty Joke 41
What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
She can only give you lip once!

Funny Dirty Joke 42
What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.

Funny Dirty Joke 43
What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Funny Dirty Joke 44
What’s the definition of “Tender Love?”
Two gays with hemorrhoids.

Funny Dirty Joke 45
What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

Funny Dirty Joke 46
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a ”quickie”, only you do it yourself.

Funny Dirty Joke 47
What’s the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves.

Funny Dirty Joke 48
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Funny Dirty Joke 49
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Funny Dirty Joke 50
What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.